Regarding Relationships - What I have learned

“Tough Minded Love for Tender Minded Sweethearts”

Many people enter relationships without thinking about specific partner characteristics or having clear relationship expectations. Also, people get comfortable in relationships and may not improve, change or develop their own personality and other personal characteristic. Therefore, people enter new relationship experiences by choosing the “same” partner, again and again!

What I have learned in working with people wanting to enter a relationship and couples already in relationships is that it is important for you to know and be honest with your own personality and characteristics, know what characteristics you are looking for in a potential partner and evaluate them correctly from the beginning, while clearly stating your relationship expectations assertively throughout the relationship process.

People sometimes tell me that this process is not “romantic” and that it is too transparent. Others tell me that this is an enlightening experience for them, especially when they realize that their past 5 relationships failed because they were choosing the “same” partner characteristics and expecting a different experience!

Suggestion for YOU before entering a new relationship:

Review relationship characteristics of the past 3 relationships you had and compare them with your characteristics. What were your similarities and what were your differences? Be honest with yourself and see if you recognize patterns. For example, maybe you enjoy, connect best with partners who have a sense of humor, express intimacy and sex desire and share common interests; whereas, maybe you have a (bad) habit of choosing partners who are not emotionally available, do not believe in equal rights between partners, and do not enjoy socializing with others.

Remember: While opposite characteristics are interesting in the short run, similarities lead to long term relationships!

Identify characteristics that you want in your partner (and what you are bringing into the relationship) and use this list as a guide when searching for your next intimate experience. Reflect in which partner characteristics you want, which characteristics you can tolerate, and which you do not want to learn to tolerate.

More suggestions on finding (and keeping) the right one … coming soon!

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